


The Whorcrux

by cruisedirector, LdyBastet



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Anal Play, Crack, Fucking, Horcrux Hunting, Jealousy, M/M, Object Insertion, Regulus Black Is Stubby Boardman, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-17
Updated: 2005-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-04 08:05:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruisedirector/pseuds/cruisedirector, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LdyBastet/pseuds/LdyBastet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus Black makes an unexpected appearance in Snape's office and Snape takes a look at his chocolate starfish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whorcrux

**Author's Note:**

> Tangentially a part of the "Enormous Penis" universe. Warning: Regulus is a kinky bugger.

Once upon a time, Severus Snape was naked, sitting in his office minding his own business when there was an insistent knock on the door. When Snape uttered "Alohamora" and the door opened, he beheld Regulus Black!

"Reggie!" exclaimed Sev, leaping to his feet and quite forgetting that he was naked. "I thought you were dead!"

Regulus looked at Snape. "I thought you would be wearing clothes!"

Snape glanced down at himself, then, distracted, back at Regulus. "That's not important right now! How did you survive drinking that ghastly potion and more importantly where did you hide the horcrux? Is it in the usual place?" Snape rubbed his hands together. How he loved removing artifacts from Regulus!

Regulus nodded. "It is...although I've had to remove it a few times over the years." He walked closer to Snape and smiled. "Want to help me?"

"Of course!" said Snape, reaching out a hand and summoning a bottle of his finest lube. "Lie down on the couch. But tell me, where have you been hiding all these years? Has Lucius been shagging you in secret?"

Regulus sighed tragically. "No...no fine Malfoy-cock at all. I've been touring Britain in the guise of a musician." He lay down on the couch after removing his clothes to get as naked as Snape. "Your own lube? I could use a shag."

Snape was already covering his fingers with oil, anticipating the usual problems in removing a horcrux from a delightfully tight arse. "And you shall have one, as soon as we've taken care of this nasty business from the Dark Lord." Sitting beside Regulus, he pushed his buttocks apart. "How convenient that you've left the chain dangling where I can reach it."

"Yes," replied Regulus. "I thought it would be easier that way." He pushed his arse up a bit and smiled to himself - he'd missed Snape's fingers inside him. Life as a rock star was mostly filled with screaming girls...and very few male groupies.

Rubbing his greasy fingers around the puckered hole, Snape began gently pulling the horcrux from Regulus' still-shapely bum. "A rock star," he mused. "You aren't one of those Twisted Sister people, are you?"

Regulus shook his head. "No, I was the lead singer of The Hobgoblins. But I retired a while ago." He moaned slightly at the touches and the feeling of the locket moving inside him.

The rock star had the cursed thing wedged in there good. Inserting a finger, Snape began to stretch the tight opening. He'd forgotten how much Regulus had enjoyed sticking things in his arse.

"Hold still, this might be uncomfortable," he warned, grabbed the chain and pulled.

"DIE, YOU FILTHY BLOOD-TRAITOR SQUIB!" screamed Regulus.

The look Snape gave him could have withered the roots on a screaming mandrake. "What in Merlin's name are you saying?" he asked, eyes wrinkling like the business end of a blast-ended skrewt and lip curling as if he could smell werewolf piss. With one vicious tug, he yanked the horcrux free.

"Nnngh!" Regulus relaxed back onto the sofa and panted slightly. "That _was_ uncomfortable. Though in the long run, not as uncomfortable as keeping it where it was."

Snape peered at the locket, which was slimy and had an ugly snake on the front. Salazar Slytherin might have been a great wizard but his taste in jewelry was terrible. Placing it on the table, Snape put an invisibility spell on it in case Dumbledore should barge in to see if he was marking essays in the nude again, and reached to rub Regulus' arse.

"Did you ever consider simply putting it in a pocket?"

"A pocket?" Regulus gave Snape a look over his shoulder as if he was mad. "Then I could have lost it, dropped it, or someone could have stolen it! No, better to keep it secret, keep it safe." He nodded slowly and then flashed a smile at Snape.

"Well, you might have stitched the pocket closed, and then kept your clothes on. But I suppose that would have been asking too much." The only person Snape knew who enjoyed being naked more than himself was Regulus, particularly if he and Lucius were around.

But it had been very brave of him to keep such a vile item in such a personal place, even if Snape suspected that, knowing the Dark Lord, it probably had some interesting cursed qualities and heated up or vibrated or something. Bending, he kissed Regulus' well-stretched arsehole.

"Oh yes, Severus! You do that so good!" Regulus moaned and reached back to pull his cheeks apart a bit. It was soothing after such a long time with the horcrux inside him, but Regulus was grateful that it hadn't been the Hufflepuff Cup that Voldemort had hidden in the cave.

To Snape's surprise, Regulus was still almost as tight as he had been when they had been young. He would have thought that more than a decade of having a locket in his rectum would have stretched it, but this was obviously a very special piece of jewelry. Regulus was clean, too, and he made such wonderful noises when Snape fucked him with his tongue. How he had missed this!

Regulus squirmed and moaned more, then gasped, "Severus! Give me that prick that you're so fond of showing off!"

Snape loved it when Regulus begged him to fuck him, too. Normally he would have teased him for a bit longer, until Regulus was really asking for it, but since he had not seen the man for such a long time and had assumed he was dead, Snape decided to be merciful just this once. Putting a generous amount of lube on his cock, he only wished he had time to get some of the Weasleys' enormous penis potion before fucking the lovely willing arse on his couch.

Wiggling his arse, Regulus moaned in anticipation. "Come on, Snape! Give it to me! Hard and fast!" He pushed back against Snape as the blunt head shoved inside him. "Merlin! I've needed this for a long time!" He clenched around the hard pole of manmeat, his own cock weeping with precum, and then began moving, impaling himself over and over.

Snape was in ecstasy, since he had not had sex in far too long...well, unless he counted the blow jobs from Malfoy and furtive beneath-the-desk rubbing by Potter and weekend visits to Spinner's End where he routinely fucked Wormtail to put him in his place. Plus there was that time Narcissa had come over to show him her gratitude, and the time the Weasley twins "repaid" him for help with a potion for their shop, and the time Bellatrix tried to fuck him to death...but never mind that now. He had Sirius Black's nearly-as-handsome and infinitely sluttier brother beneath him, wailing, "Fuck, yes! Give it to me!"

"I'll give it to you good," agreed Snape, pumping his thick rod in and out of Regulus. He was going to be the first person to cum where only one-seventh of Voldemort's soul had gone before! (Well, recently, but it was good enough.)

Suddenly the door opened and a man in uniform walked into Snape's office. "Right! Stop it! Stop it immediately!" He waved his riding crop around, trying to look authoritative. "This story is much too silly, and it has no business being continued!"

Regulus groaned and stopped moving. "What do you mean, too silly? This is serious business. I'm getting my first shag in years!" He looked over his shoulder at Snape. "Don't mind him, just continue."

Fortunately Snape had his wand within easy reach. "Densaugeo!" he hollered at the intruder, who took on the appearance of an oversized rabbit in military garb. Screaming like a girl, the man turned and fled, his teeth growing at an alarming rate, and Snape went back to boning Regulus into the couch. Wouldn't Remus Lupin be jealous if he knew, now that Sirius was dead and his brother had miraculously returned!

Just then Snape had a horrible thought. Regulus' arse had contained a piece of the life-giving soul of the Dark Lord. What if Regulus' innards had been changed by that experience, made receptive to a man's seed? "I can't get you pregnant, can I?" he asked, just to make sure.

"Of course not," groaned Regulus. "My gynecologist has reassured me that I'm barren. Cost me a fortune at St. Mungo's to find that out." He sounded frustrated, after having been so close and having been distracted more than once already. He grabbed his prick, which was throbbing and ready to burst, and began stroking it. "Fuck me!"

Regulus did not have to ask again. Grabbing his hips, Snape began to pump away, watching his slithering serpent of lust sliding in and out of Black's dark cave. There was nothing he loved more than filling a willing arse with his cum -- well, that and performing the Cruciatus curse on annoying Gryffindors, but ever since the first fall of the Dark Lord, McGonagall kept threatening to tattle to the Ministry of Magic if he tried it again. So fucking it would have to be, then. "Lucius!" he groaned out of habit.

"Lucius?" Regulus gasped between poundings, a bit surprised that Snape and Lucius were still getting it on.

Snape realized what he'd said and felt slightly annoyed that he had slipped. "I'm sorry, I have a cold," he explained and continued fucking Regulus. As long as no one suspected anything as foolish as his having any true feelings for his preferred lover, Snape felt secure.

Yet Regulus was no fool, and even though confusion during sex was common enough, especially when they knew so many people with similar names -- he'd slipped up and called Severus "Sirius" and Rodolphus "Remus" and Albus "Pompous" on more than one occasion, which happened sometimes during coitus -- he knew perfectly well that this meant Snape was still drilling the Malfoy oil wells looking for crude, to borrow a Muggle phrase. "You have a cold, or you still have the hots for the blond?" he panted.

"Damn you, Black!" Snape growled and gave the man a few punishing thrusts with his throbbing yardstick. But he was too far down into the sea of passion that washed over him to find a believable explanation, and grabbing Regulus' hair to pull his head up, Snape leaned forward and whispered hotly, "He still looks gorgeous in his green thong and the riding boots!"

The words were too much for Regulus and he moaned loudly, on the brink of orgasm. "I want to fuck both of you!" he wailed. "I want you to tie me up and wank onto my face like you used to do! It's the only reason I ever joined the stupid Death Eaters!" And with a loud cry, Regulus began to spurt jets of hot white cum, spraying so hard after such long abstinence that he hit himself in the chin.

Snape grunted as the hot and tight channel began milking his cock, and succumbed to the intense sensations, coating the insides of Regulus arse with cum. He pulled at Regulus' hair at the same time, and when his cock had finished pulsing, Snape leaned down over his sweaty back, resting for a bit before pulling out.

"Well," he said after a few moments, "you're still a good shag, Regulus. Not even being the Secret Keeper for the Dark Lord's soul could change that."

With a happy sigh, Regulus flopped down on his belly on Snape's sofa, hoping that Snape would now offer him a backrub or at least some Turkish Delight. "I'll tell you a secret, Severus. Sometimes, when I kept the horcrux in for too long, until I was constipated beyond belief and my hemorrhoids were killing me, I felt like the Dark Lord was possessing me. I went around blasting decorative tea sets to bits and scaring old Muggle ladies. But now I'm free! I can have you and Lucius again and we can tell the world the truth about Lord Moldywart!"

"Don't say that name...!" Snape started to warn him. But it was too late! A great cackling laugh filled the room. Before Snape's horrified eyes, Regulus was sucked head-first into the fireplace and up the chimney, screaming like a girl.

What a shame, thought Snape as he picked up the locket to look at it again. Regulus really was a delightful fuck. But he'd always been competition for Lucius, and now Snape had the horcrux. He had something the Chosen One desperately needed. He could make Harry Potter his own.

Grabbing his wand, Snape put a reduction charm on the locket and hid it in the safest place he knew -- his own arse. Later, he thought, he would set it to vibrate, but he would guard it with the best-exercised muscles in his entire body. Yes, Potter would have to work to get this horcrux...and Snape planned to enjoy every minute of it.


End file.
